Mercedes Scheel, M.S., L.M.T.
I work as a professional sex healer/educator in New York
City. I offer a sacred space for people to heal sexual wounds, explore,
and discover new or different aspects of their sexuality and transform
destructive sexual patterns into constructive sexual energies.
The concept of healing in this way is rooted in the ancient
tradition of sacred prostitutes that worked in the temples where men
would come to regenerate their souls and rekindle their divine spark
of life. This sacred prostitution made no distinction between sexuality,
and spirituality, and it existed for thousands of years in widespread
civilization. In today's society there are few or no places for soul
regeneration. Stress, exhaustion, and competition lead to physical blockages
and can manifest as reduced sex drive, sexual dysfunction, sexual compulsion
or sexual numbness. Often when people experience these symptoms they
feel there is something "wrong" with their sexuality, and consequently
feel shame and judgement, which in turn lead to secrecy and silence.
I work with both men and women, but more men than women
have walked through my door over the years. My clients come for various
reasons, be it sexual compulsions, sexual deprivation, numbness, erectile
problems, shame, fantasies, "abnormal" sexual needs, relationship problems,
depression, and more. By the time they reach me they have often been
through an array of therapies, and can feel defeated and discouraged.
On the initial meeting with a client, I am interested in their sexual
history and what brought them to me, as well as, their intention for
this healing process. The form of our work is different if a person
wants to "get rid of" a particular habit or compulsion, versus wanting
to come to a place of acceptance of it. In either case, a transformation
needs to take place as our minds are not designed to throw things out,
only to mold differently what is already there. Even though we can stop
sexual activity per se, we cannot stop being sexual. We are sexual beings,
born with a need for intimacy and touch, as well as, food and sleep.
As much as our society encourages us to eat and sleep, it discourages
us from intimacy.
In my work, I introduce the concept of sacred sex, which
is, in essence, a ritual where two or more people have the opportunity
to fully be, see, and be seen as sexual beings. All my sessions are
specifically designed according to the client needs. In the session,
the client has an opportunity through mind body awareness, to experience
themselves as erotic beings. Through the field of energy that exists
between the client and I when we engage in a truthful moment to moment
contact, there is an emerging spirituality. This provides the foundation
for a transformation to take place within the client. It is a form of
bringing spirit into matter.
I sometimes call myself a Sacred Intimate, and in that
lies an invitation to experience intimacy. This can involve holding
a hand or a head while listening to the words or the silence of my client.
Many a client has come to me stating a compulsive need for a particular
type of sex and has subsequently discovered that what they really needed
was to be held. These compulsive and repetitive sexual patterns often
create a very narrow framework for sexuality. Only through accepting
these patterns, while experiencing a different type of erotic stimulation
one can discover that our erotic spectrum is larger than what we thought.
Another limitation to our sexuality is that it tends to
be confined to the genitals. I help my clients discover that every part
of their bodies has erotic potential, a little finger can be equally
erotic as genitals. It is the intention with which I touch and how I
invite them to perceive me that creates an erotic experience. I also
invite the awkwardness to be present. We are not born knowing how to
be erotic, have sex or how to please ourselves or others, and this society
offers no mentoring of this craft. I conscientiously and explicitly
provide a safe space in which to explore, be curious, and ask questions.
I engage my clients in an interactive, open discussion concerning their
sexuality, thus, leading to acceptance and integration.
I have had female clients diagnosed with Vaginisimus who
have been unable to have pleasurable intercourse for years, or sometimes
never, and, who have later danced out of my office ready to catch up
for lost years. Other women have felt numb, dry, inorgasmic, or asexual,
and through breathwork, movement, and touch, their sense of a "locked"
pelvis has been replaced with a sense of aliveness, pleasure, and permission.
I have had long term clients with Parkinson's disease whose transformation
would manifest in a subsiding of the shaking to an unnoticeable level
in the course of our sessions. Other clients with erectile complications
have discovered how to have a full erotic life, and accept and integrate
the impairment.
Sacred sex takes time, trust, vulnerability, awkwardness,
communication, and willingness to go into the unknown. In my own journey,
I went through many internal shifts including turmoil, terror, and joy
before I was able to work in this capacity. I had to descend into the
deepest, darkest places of my unconscious to find the core of my femininity,
and a lot of exploration had to take place in order to find a balance
between my feminine and masculine selves.
By giving my clients a space to experience themselves
in a different way, they realize their own potential as sexual beings,
and are able to bring that potential into their lives as a constructive
force, with their family, partner or work. When we reach a place of
acceptance and integration of our sexuality we can enjoy and thrive
on it without fear of acting on it inappropriately or "it" taking hold
of us. Thus, we can experience freedom in ourselves.
Through my years of working in this field it has become
clear to me how essential this form of sexual therapy is in today's
society. I find it rewarding as well as challenging to facilitate and
witness a client's journey towards sexual health.
Mercedes invites
your questions/comments about this article and/or her work.